Copyright 2007
I can’t say that my being aware of my Lesbianism was the sole cause of my drinking…that being a Lesbian propelled me into alcoholism. I cannot because it wouldn’t be entirely accurate. There are no simple answers here.
I am Sappho’s daughter. And I knew it early on. Inside me, for years, a fierce struggle between fear, desire, and shame had bound me. Had strangled me. Their ceaseless struggle for domination tortured me. Tasked me. I was their prisoner.
Then came alcohol, holding out a promise, a false promise, but a promise, nevertheless: If I would drink of its soothing liquid, I could have peace. If I would but drink, relief from this anguished struggle would cease. And, perhaps, I could forget who I was. My fears had made me a traitor to who I was. My fears had helped drive me into alcohol’s velvet arms.
But soon, I began a new and different kind of struggle: to break free of alcohol’s treacherous currents. For it had betrayed me, finally…had trapped yet another of Sappho’s daughters. Trapped this daughter for twenty-seven years.
In my book, The Mee Street Chronicles, you'll find stories of me and my struggles with alcohol, as well as stories of recovery. Order it from amazon.com, barnes & noble.com, or borders.com.
2 comments:
As I read this story I was felt very guilty in a way. Somtimes as the author says, we tend to blame others or other things for the cause of what is happening. admitting the truth and accepting that its only your fault anf no ones else can be very complicated.I felt really proud tha the author was able to see that and accept the blame. As well as having the strenght to over come from it.
What caught my attention about this blog was the title if it “Meditation 3” Sappho’s Daughter.” Then, I started reading the blog and realized you were talking about a Greek Goddess, who was considered one of the greatest poets of Antiquity, her name was Sappho. I really liked how you related yourself as Sappho’s daughter because both you and Sappho are writers and related in other ways also. Then, how you say, “my fears had helped me drive into alcohols velvet arm. When I read this sentence it made me understand that fear was what drove you into alcoholism. To me it is very inspiring when people can talk and tell us of their problems and overcome these obstacles that fallow us in life, such as you overcame the obstacle of alcoholism.
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