Adventures of a Maverick Author 1: A Maverick's Tale

All Rights Reserved - Copyright 2007

Since my book, The Mee Street Chronicles: Straight Up Stories of a Black Woman's Life came out, to promote and market my book, I've been doing Book Readings for churches, college classes, and organizations with a Question & Answer period afterwards. Mee Street is a memoir, a collection of stories about my journey to freedom from the many prisons that bind me, about my battle to claim my own life and sexual identity.

Although my book reveals a life that was filled with conflicts over a number of problems—alcoholism and recovery, Jim Crow and racism, my work in the field of AIDS and how I had to come to terms with death, the pressures to conform all of my life to all kinds of social conventions, internalized self-hate as a result of heterosexism and homophobia —out of all of those subjects, the "hot topic" for the audience is my same sex attraction. Because that's topic they're interested in the most, I've taken to revealing it right at the top of the presentation.

What's interesting to me is the reaction of the audiences I've run into. After I read my book excerpts, I find myself answering questions like:
When did you know? Was your father present in your home when you were growing up? If you have children, what did they say when you told them? What did your parents…what did your friends…say when you told them? What church or religion or religious denomination were you raised in? When did you make the choice to be same sex attracted? How do you feel with everybody knowing you're same sex attracted now that you've written the book? Are you happy today about your life and being open about who you are? Homophobia isn't present in today's society, like before, is it?

To me, the questions I get reveal so much about what people are curious about and want to know, what they've been misinformed about, the assumptions they've been led to make, and the stereotypical ideas they've absorbed about Lesbians and Gays, about the whole LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community. The questions I get say so much about what kind of society I live in. We live in. Say so much about how little we know of each other. About the assumptions we make about each other. About how afraid we are to talk to one another...afraid to share who we really are because of fears.

As they ask and I answer, it's fascinating to watch the audience, to take note of their assumptions about me, to realize that many expect me to hang my head in shame and feel guilty about who I am... to realize that some think I've come to ask their forgiveness for being a Lesbian... to realize that others expect me to try to persuade them to accept me and solicit, however indirectly, their permission to openly be who I am.

When I don't conform to these assumptions or expectations, when I don't act timorous, or feel shame or guilt, when I tell them I no longer ask anybody's permission to feel good about and be who I am, some are rather appalled at my attitude and words. I have to admit I get a kick out of watching their shock at my boat-rocker attitude. Others in the audience seem thirsty for and drink in the straight-from-the-shoulder answers I give based on my life, probably because I'm sharing information they've always wanted to know and were too afraid to seek out for whatever reason. Many of the audience members seem to be pleased with the whole thing. They smile, nod their heads, listen intently. I figure they're the open-minded empathizers in the crowd. But the most interesting ones, to me, are the angry or confrontational ones who seem compelled to raise their hands. Compelled to throw stones, contradict, or dismiss my opinions, my values and attitudes, my reflections on my own life experiences. They have no idea that I know just who they are and what's really bothering them. They reveal themselves by the stressed-out, edgy tone of voice, the stony facial expression, the anxious "fight or flight" body language, and, finally, by the questions—which are really comments rather than questions—that tell me all about the cramped, shrouded, boxed-in place that they live in. I know about that place. I used to live there myself. Suffocating, for years, in the dark.

It's all a lesson for me—a course in Psychology and Sociology and The Humanities all rolled up in one. It's proof for me that memoirs provide us with a bridge to connect with each other. It's a reminder that people are always curious about each other, especially those who, at first glance, appear to be different. And, it tells me that my friend, Dr. McClaine, who asked me to come speak to his Sociology classes, has a valid point: Attitudes change, things change, when somebody rocks the boat, when a maverick steps up and refuses to stay silent.

Today, one woman asked me if I considered myself a maverick because of all I'd revealed and my forthright attitude.

I looked her straight in the eye. "You better believe it," I said in my best boat-rocker tone of voice.

And she smiled.

The Mee Street Chronicles: Straight Up Stories of a Black Woman's Life will tell you more about me and my maverick ways. Buy it online at www.amazon.com and read the stories for yourself. If your church, organization, book club, or class would like to engage me to do a Book Reading, contact me at frankie.lennon@gmail.com Related links: www.myspace.com/maryestelle and www.famnation.com/flennon